Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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