I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
