i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
