the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
