Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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