Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
