Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
