Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
