I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Terrible idea I love it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
