with your own penis?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
