My hand turned me down
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
