I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
