I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
