Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My ass is underappreciated
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
