this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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