Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

am i morally bankrupt?

(970): View more from Colorado

no. its just the recession

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.

Fav 21 6549 1088
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(426): View more from

i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.

Fav 14 1724 956
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(714): View more from California

Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon

(310): View more from California

Fuck you.

Fav 6 2435 875
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(734): View more from Michigan

When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.

Fav 8 982 629
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(606): View more from Kentucky

hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.

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