I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
