This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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