That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
