I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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