wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
