i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
