whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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