They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
