We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
