I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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