But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
