I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
