I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
