I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
