i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
