If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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