just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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