cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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