I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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