I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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