Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
