My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
