Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
even my farts smell like vagina
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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