am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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