Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
