yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
