didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
