There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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