somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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