NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
