Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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