ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
