I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
