Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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