Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
